Category: Personal Development

Worrying doesn’t help…

Whatever happened yesterday is a yesterday thing. It’s done, it’s over and it’s gone. Many of us spend time dwelling on it and reliving it.
Today is a new day, new opportunities, new options. It’s all for you, a chance to do something new, start over, get moving!
Worry if you think it will help, (it won’t). We spend our time dwelling on it, thinking it through, analyzing it. The more we do that, the less we’re able to move on.
Look back but only to learn, then move on. Spend 5 minutes; think on what happened, learn from it and then let it go. Drop it. Move on.
Get angry but only of it gets you moving, then drop the anger. Sometimes anger is the best thing for us. It spurs us on to a greater level of action and movement. So get angry but ONLY if it gets you moving forward. Otherwise, anger serves us no purpose.
Today is new and it’s just for you. Go do something special with it. You’ve got this, I know you do.

Who are you waiting for…

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

Are you stuck in a rut, unsure of where to move to next? Are you waiting for permission to make your next move? Are you waiting for someone else to tell you what to do?

If any of these sound like you then perhaps you need to ask yourself, “What am I waiting for?” Seriously, what? What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for a third party to tell you what to do? Guess what, there are plenty of people out there willing to tell you what to do and not a single one of them has your best interest at heart and not a single one of them will know what’s best for you or what will work or what will truly make you happy, unleash your energy or make you shine. Sure, they may have years of experience that they can share with you but that’s not going to get you where you really want to go.

Do you want to make a change? Want to get into something new? Want to figure out what might work for you? Then ask yourself what it is that you really want and listen for the answer. And if you’re really struggling with finding the answer, let a professional coach help you unpack your thoughts and discover the answer. 

You can wait your entire life for someone to tell you what move to make but then you’re really just living their life for them. Life your life for YOU!

Fear of Failure…or Success?

Fear of Failure or Success?

Fear of Failure or Success?

Last week I was coaching with a new client, a fantastic individual that is looking to make some long-lasting changes in his life. We were discussing fear of failure and how paralyzing it is and I brought up that fear of succeeding is just as paralyzing. He stopped and looked at me and said “Fear of succeeding? How can success be a bad thing?”

An honest question and a good one at that and here are my thoughts on this, see if they hit home.

We know that failing at something brings with it the possibility of shame, humiliation, anger, self-doubt, self-loathing, guilt or a host of other emotions. Did we do all we could to succeed? Should we have done something else? Why didn’t this work for us? Where did we go wrong? We ask our self over and over again and many times, we stop right there and give up. Because we have all failed at something before in our lives, we remember this and oftentimes this fear paralyzes us and we won’t take on anything new. We assume that because we’ve failed in the past, surely we’ll fail in the future.

There’s also fear of success. We place all kinds of pressure on our self to be good and to have a happy life and make money. Have you ever said to yourself at some point; “Once I have my degree, everything will be better for me.” “Once I get that job…” “As soon as I lose those last 20 lbs…” “Once I have a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband/kids…” Our life will be better ONCE we have something which we don’t currently have. We place pressure in our life to have a better life and there is where the fear lies because we equate having those things with success. What happens if life isn’t more grand with those things? We got the better paying job but we didn’t notice measurable improvement or more happiness. We had kids and our life wasn’t what we thought.  We lost our weight but nothing is better in our life. We’re “successful” in the way we defined success but we’re not happy. Maybe we set more goals for success but that happy or better life eludes us. What gives? We now have a fear of success because success (again, as we defined it) doesn’t bring about a better life.

Does this sound like you? Is your fear of failure or success holding you back, paralyzing you? It doesn’t have to. You can create goals for yourself that you don’t have to fear. Goals that will create a better life for you…coaching can help.

Don’t listen to the sheep…

tiger

Have you ever encountered someone that is overly concerned with what others think? They are paralyzed by what someone else might think (or say) they stay stuck for days, months, even years! Afraid to make a choice, make a move, make a decision because (gasp!) what will others think or say?

Why? Why would we give someone our power to someone in that way? You wouldn’t give a stranger power of attorney, would you? Of course not! Then why allow someone else’s thoughts to determine your actions, your direction, your goals…? Think about it. You know what’s best for you so why would you ever allow others to hold you back because they might have a different thought.

Less concern over the thoughts of others leads us to a better life. That’s a fact.

Live well my friends!

Live abundantly…

abundance

There’s always someone who is going to know more than you.
Someone who will know less than you.
Someone who has more than you.
Someone who has less than you.

But no one is exactly like you. And no one has the ability to be grateful what they have in the here and now more so than you do.

Choose to live a life of abundance, get more of the things you really want in life by being grateful for what you already have. Even if the day is bad and you feel like you have a black cloud looming over you. Even when everything is just perfect in your life. Be grateful for the here and now, what you have and watch more of the good stuff come to you.

The key is focus on the good; whether it’s good health, sunshine on your face, food in your pantry, a good friend to share with, unconditional love from a four-legged furry friend…whatever it may be. Be grateful for what you have today so you can have more tomorrow.

Live well my friends!

Enter through the door…

chinese proverb

There’s a Chinese Proverb that states “Teachers open the door; but you must enter by yourself.

Every single day is an opportunity to walk through a door because teachers are everywhere in our lives. No, seriously, they are…look around you. And the teaching isn’t just what you would think you’d learn in school…no, it’s much more than that. There are teachers that teach us about love and live and friendship and gardening and loving our self and others and how to be a better parent or how to be a better child and a better way to get where we are going and the list goes on and on.

No matter if you’re school age or a “seasoned” human…there is a lot to learn and know but you must be open to it and walk through the door when it’s opened.

What’s stopping you?

Live well my friends!

Top regrets…

regrets of dying

I was speaking with a friend this morning  about commitments and this seemed to fall perfectly in that thought track…the top five regrets of the dying. I read the full article and research that went with it and it was powerful and moving.

When you think about your commitments to yourself, keep these in mind.
Don’t worry about working that one extra hour, go home and be with friends or family.
Express yourself and your feelings even if they are counter to someone else’s – they are your feelings and they are valid.

Stay in touch with friends, even if it is over FB or Twitter – both are valid forms of communication.
Be who you were meant to me, and if that means you’re happy working as a waitress even if others want you to do more – be the best dang waitress ever and be.

And be happy…with you, with your life, with what you have – what you have is a lot.

Live well my friends!

Quiet your mind…

shhhhhh

Quieting your mind is the best way to hear yourself and gain clarity. It provides the opportunity for meditation and growth.

Whenever you want to move forward, taking a moment to quiet your mind is key.
The challenge to quieting your mind is; it’s not always easy or wanted. When our mind is quiet we see parts of our self that aren’t the easiest to deal with. And other thoughts are always trying to creep in.

Quieting your mind isn’t about being completely quiet – it’s about remembering what you’re setting out to do. When other thoughts try to wedge into your mind, you don’t have to focus on them, look towards the quiet. Allow the real you to be there, the real you is on a journey and just like Dorothy in Oz, you meet characters you really like and some you don’t. But you get to choose your companions. So choose the parts of you that best provide while on your journey.

Live well my friends!

Reinforcements…

roses

All too often the goals we set for ourselves don’t work out the way we intended.
In coaching my clients I find that has a lot to do with the reinforcements we put in place.
It’s true, we have rewards/incentives in place that are counter intuitive to what we want to accomplish.

Things not working out as you want? Take a look at the incentives you have in place. Are you rewarding yourself for doing the opposite of what you want to accomplish? If so, let’s look at how to pull the right incentives and the proper reinforcements so that you can be rewarded for doing what you set out to do.

Live well my friends!

Clock time vs. Real Time…

clock

Are you struggling with time management? Getting all the things done in a day that you need to? Having the conversations, the thoughts, and actions that you want to?

There are two types of time: clock time and real time. For clock time there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. Time passes equally.
In real time, the time that is in our heads, everything is relative. Times flies or drags depending on WHAT we are doing. Waiting for a pot to boil and five minutes can seem like five years. Spend two days at the beach enjoying the sun and surf and two days seem like two minutes.

Gadgets don’t work because they manage clock time and clock time is irrelevant because we live in real time. But there are things we can do to manage real time and remove the limitations and sabotaging around not having “enough time” or it not being “the right time”. Reach out to me for more info on this.

Live well my friends!

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